"Elizabeth do you want to play softball this weekend for Project Graduation?" Sure.
"Ms. Botkins will you coach the powderpuff cheerleaders?" Sure.
"Ms. Botkin will you help decorate for prom?" Sure.
"Hey, will you take pictures tonight at little league?" Sure.
See, I cannot say no. If someone asked me to teach a cat sign language, by-golly I would do it.
I enjoy serving and find that teaching has been a great way to express that love to others but I have come to the point where I feel that my motives for serving have become tainted with a "look at me" attitude and motivation spurred on by the people I am serving, yet they are not the ones at fault. Also, I have irrational fear of letting people down.
Like most humans I gain confidence in myself and in my skills when I am praised for doing a job well done, and like most humans any humility I might have goes right out the window. Confidence is not a bad thing necessarily but it is the driving force and foundation of the confidence that can often cause problems. Confidence from Christ, good. Confidence from man, bad.
"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10.
Part of my problem with being able to say "no" is that in my human nature, I like the praise that comes with completing a task in an exceptional way (which I actually find weird because I have never been one to take compliments well and I am not huge on having attention drawn to myself...it spurs from my complete and total awkwardness). But it is those compliments that drive me to continue to say yes, they are like crack.
Real talk: I am not worthy of praise of men nor will I ever be. The Bible explicitly states that.
"We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like polluted garment. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away" Isaiah 64:6
We are nasty dirty people who cannot do good, at all. So why should we deserve any praise? Oh that's right, we don't.
Any praise that should happen to come my way is a direct reflection of God's love and grace and is a testament to the gifts that He has bestowed upon me to use for His glory, that is all.
"Let anyone who boasts, boast in the Lord. For it is not te one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends." 2 Corinthians 10:17-8.
It is my prayer that until I can learn and trust that man's approval means diddly squat that I would not say yes. That I would wait until my motives are pure so that I can boast in the Lord and not in myself. Lord, help me say no.
Happy Monday, y'all.